I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
