And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need moral support for this bender
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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