Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
