wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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