Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
