apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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