We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
