I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
