fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
