why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
