so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
