yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
