So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
