our cab driver is having phone sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
