I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
