If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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