Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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