obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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