I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
