I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
