I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
