i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
