Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
