Umm I'm too high to move.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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