Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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