nut hugger
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
