just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
