Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
