new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is the high leading the old right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
