I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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