You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
not ubering you a puppy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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