Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
