Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
