Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
