the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
