I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
