Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
