I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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