I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
