so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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