I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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