"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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