I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
