your thong is hanging out like whoa
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
