I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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