he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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