It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
