I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
