HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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