Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
